A joke told repeatedly at aviation industry conferences puts a man and a dog in an airplane. It was always selling out, and I could never keep it in stock. 42. Emergency Checklist Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. ! Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. Why doesnt the Army football team have a website? 10. Thanks.. 2. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. Well, I, too, am a SEASONED Veteran! Even those who work in relation to the military, such as the Department of Defense, or know someone that has served, are bound to find a few of these hilarious. You had tents?" Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. August 15, 2021. Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day. Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. We were a tough group. Great jokes, Im an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. Now, lets try it again! Whats the difference between the Boys Scouts and the Army? A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. It was sheer brilliance. Where are you from? Fighter Training Manual You know your landing gear is UP and LOCKED when it takes full power to taxi to your parking spot. A sailor and a marine are both in the bathroom peeing. !" Marine: "Wait, stop. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal, 22. If you cant pick it up, paint it. All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. But I am public affairs, I said. Then one day I couldnt find it. aviation JOKES (random) Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! Passenger Cargo that talks or Self-loading freight, 58. 39. Known to bicker and make fun of each other often, its likely that those in the military have a good sense of humor. Everyone seemed OK with this order except for one confused recruit. An Army ranger, Air Force P.J., Navy seal, and a Recon Marine. Funny military jokes are a great way to bring some morale to our service people, so whip out a few of these military jokes at your next gathering of family or friends to get some guaranteed laughs. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! Why didnt the troop tell anyone about their rank in the military? In-flight Snacks Little treats sealed in a bag that can only be opened by using a chainsaw. 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition), How to Unregister a Gun in your Name? Aviation Humor. Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. What did the Coastie say when his friends asked why he was getting married? Divert your course NOW! The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. The sergeant came in, grabbed a spoon, and took a taste. Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? "It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. Laugh or cringe but please enjoy. Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. What do hungry Marines eat? Shotgun: Comparison for a First-Time Gun Buyer, What Are The Basic Parts Of Ammunition? Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. Air Traffic Control 6. What grades do you need to get to join the Navy? After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. Only one. Whats the worst thing you could say to insult a Marine? We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. 3. Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I explained, The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.. How can you tell if theres an Air Force pilot at the bar? Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. It was sheer brilliance. U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind. 5. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Aunt Mary is an F-16 pilot A fifth-grade teacher told her students "I'd like for one of you to tell the class a story with a moral", so little Suzy raised her hand. Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a paring knife, I could peel these potatoes faster. The cook turned slowly to my father and said, Son, youre in the Army. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I will not charge you. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. Just Some Insults Learned In the Air Force 'Bot' Tries To Write An Airline Safety Video. What does ARMY mean to you? What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160? When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. Put your hand up if youre the laziest., 24 men raised their hands, so the senior chief turns to the last man and says, Why didnt you raise your hand, sailor?, The sailor replies, It was too much trouble, senior chief.. You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. 5. A Recruiter Misled You. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. The MPs read the letter, saluted, and left. Ocean Pearl, I answered. Rodrigues? When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. I got one here related to the tranparency of Soviet news.. ----- *News report from Soviet press agency* A friendly communist agricultural tractor was intercepted by enemy group of seven Chinese battle tanks, while performing its everyday works on wheat fields along Soviet-Chinese border. We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. Pre-flight briefing from Canadian Air Force Pilot If you hear me yell Eject, Eject, Eject, the last two will be echoes. Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. See, Connor? he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. An airplane! I just put them all together for your amusement. I smiled and said, Sure was a lot of em, huh sir?. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear neatly laid out on a table. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took . Attention! On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. But my fears were put Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. Civilian casual tees are absolutely unacceptable. The reason? USMC: OHH! As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and eventually one of them will. Evidently, one of my classmates found the talk less than stimulating and fell asleep. How much noise can we make up here? There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. I wouldnt set foot on any ship that intentionally sinks.. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the base operator asked him. Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. One started by saying, Okay smartass, which one is closer, the moon or Florida? The second responded by saying, Obviously its the moon you cant see Florida!. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? 43. My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. Hey, Im from Chicago too!. 9. I am the PMC at a Dinner Night next week, where apart from my Boss and myself the rest of the guests are Army (from an array of cap badges). I wanted to join the Marines but I fell just short of their requirements. Their one extravagance: a bare light bulb theyd hung from the ceiling. One guy was reading a newspaper article from back home about a congressional investigation into why some troops were living in relative luxury. Youre the only one I can think of she wont be able to drink under the table.. Reply: This is a lighthouse your call.. Caller: Is Sgt. The sailor calls out and says, In boot camp, they taught us to wash our hands after taking a leak. The Marine replies, In our boot camp, they teach us not to piss on our hands.. . But 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. When they landed, the pilot turned to Warren and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. Related read: When Is Military Appreciation Month? Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . While everyone was concentrating on the task at hand, I held up a spare pin and asked, Has anyone seen my grenade?. 27. 29. He replied, When they stopped shooting at me.. 30. He snapped off a salute and responded, I dont know, sir! Turning to the sergeant, he asked, Gunnery, where is my foxhole? Unless you pull the stick too far back, then they get bigger again very quickly". Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! Pilot "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Yes, she said. One day, I was told As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. The LOUDEST Military Aviation PHOTOS Best Examples Of Aircraft Camouflage Oxcart/Blackbird Wind-Tunnel Test Models Things You Can See Almost Every Day In Dubai July 29, 2020 Fully Loaded Fighter Jets Showing Off July 2, 2020 Comical Google Maps Glitches With Airplanes May 2, 2020 Bomber Aircraft Low Passes. He holds the bulb and then the world revolves around him to screw it in. Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. Rodrigues there? Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. Meanwhile, the sergeant glared at the others. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. Flight Announcements 4. Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off. Marines Say OOOOORAH! When finally open guaranteed to spill everywhere, 60. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. You can always leave the joke in a funny mug, or a pilot mug if the person is into aviation. Military jokes 291 Pins 3y D Collection by Devyn Scholtes Similar ideas popular now Military Humor Military Quotes Humor Funny Memes Military Jokes Army Humor Army Memes Military Life Funny Posts Hilarious Memes Humor Funny Memes Spongebob Memes My son is in Marine Infantry School and one of his best friends is in the Air Force Academy. StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.. "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position", 18. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. It took the poor guy all day. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . You had tents?, A drill sergeant yells at his young trainee, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning, private!, The private replies, Well, thank you very much, sir., A general gets stuck in his Jeep on the side of the road. Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. Anecdotes 1. ", The student replied, "When I was number one for takeoff sir", 51. A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. One night, he returned to the dorm in his perfectly pressed uniform, his newly acquired name tag in his hand. Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. When a Navy fighter pilot saw this, he decided to approach the man and see what he was doing. He snapped off a Halt! shouted our drill instructor. A military pilot requested a priority landing, because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked". What do you call a training sergeant whos very kind and respectful? Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 bomber that had one engine shut down. Dont think so? When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the ground.. Keep up with Katee on Instagram and linkedin.com. Im 81 years old, he answered. The Marines will kill everyone inside and then set up headquarters. Good judgment comes from experience. Want some really over-the-top, cheesy jokes about the military? Why were the Marines invented? A senior chief prompted his 25 sailors by saying, I have an easy job for the laziest man here. Caller: Is Sgt. So I quit ordering it.. Heres what they came up with: 4. When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was. S | Engine found on right wing after brief search. Takeoffs are optional. Two hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. What is a Soldiers least favorite month? 18. 32. A drill serGENTLEMEN! I thought I was on top of my game that day, Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. Why Do We Celebrate It? You might be a Coastie if a cruise does not sound like a vacation to you. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. !An angry voice finally replied, My name aint George!. What do you call a training sergeant who's very kind and respectful? P | Engine noise at an unbelievable high level. Did you make it all by yourself? This happened several times times throughout the flight. He says, Anyway, enough about me. These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. Military jokes! The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. Between all the service branches there is a friendly rivalry that will always create jokes among the various branches. Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in search of fallopian tubes Because the Army needed heroes too. Why does the military only allow dress shirts during ceremonies and events? But I had the last laugh. The real definition of USCG is Uncle Sams Confused Group.. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. (pointing at the sky). If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. P | Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. As I left the barbershop with sideburns in hand, I heard him ask his next victim, Where are you from? I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! Navy and CG Say HOOOOOYAH! Me: Still the wrong number. Its where we park the helicopters.. Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? At least SEVEN Cs! So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. These involve the army, the navy, the air force, and other security forces.. 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation Aviation Humor 129 Pins 1y S Collection by STS Aviation Group Share Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Military Humor Aviation Fuel Aviation Humor Aviation Technology Airbus Boeing Airline Humor Airline Reservations People Fly Flight Attendant Life LinkedIn Aviation Quotes The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox, Revolutionized American Warfare. What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. Hazing the new guy, he said with a grin. Marine: Wait, stop. Stay out of clouds. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool. I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. When the general asked, Which outfit are you in? the Marine replied, Dress blues, sir, with medals!. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, No, we dont, she said. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. What are you doing? I asked. During the question-and-answer period, he was asked, How did you know the war was over? 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. They cant seem to string three Ws together. Of course, he responded. The Blonde Fighter Pilot One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. Reply: I recommend you divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess" He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Thanks. ", Warren always replied, "I know Joy, but that helicopter ride is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", One year Warren and Joy went to the Show, and Joy said, "Warren, I'm 85 years old. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. But something struck me as odd. One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have, 16. ", The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. The soldier swore under his breath at the Marine and told him he wanted to get up and get a drink. He finally comes dragging in at. 35. Fish Food. Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. Related read: 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. Katees passion for writing and fascination for language has forever guided her path in life. Remember them the next time youre talking to a friend or family member that has served as a Marine because these jokes are bound to make them smile. Unless you can be Batman. Landings are mandatory. 34. Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board. When the plane was descending for the landing, the Marine put his boots back on and quickly realized the Soldier had been spitting in his boots. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a very close shave. Climbing out of the wreckage, Brian asked Tommy, Any idea where we are?, I think were pretty close to where we crashed last year Brian, 5. Dear Soldier, If youre having a rough day, remember the most important thing in life is to be yourself. From the pilot during his welcome message: We are pleased to announce that we have some of the best Flight Attendants in the aviation industry. A military sergeant lieutenant saying Based on my experience The good news: You got a bulls eye. Before my head could swell too much, he added, But it was in somebody elses target.. Even his son turned up. 10. What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? Why, certainly, young man, he said, as he reached under his desk and handed me a large pair of bolt cutters. Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor's stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. U.S. Navy Warship: We are a large warship of the United States Navy. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. Me: Sorry, you have the wrong number. Sometimes I think war is Gods way of teaching us geography. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. Sergeant, he said, what if we dont have any initials? Matthew Nazarian. 1. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I asked. A military private saying I learned this in boot camp Basic Army training rules goes as follows: If it moves, salute it. Its a NO FLY zone! I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard. Turns out we were supposed to shoot around it, not hit it. Patrick McSherry. ", 55. Why did the Soldier bring a blanket to an active battle zone? He had the same plane as yours. Kassidy Barber is the Assistant Editor for VeteranLife.com and MyBaseGuide.com. Then one day I couldnt find it. Ramrod straight, each would respond, Marine Air Group 36, sir or Second Marine Division, General. Then there was one young private. You the eighth, the old Marine answered. Military 3. Air Force Says OKEY DOKEY?. The tenant shook her head. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. What do you call someone who joined the military out of spite? We recommend our users to update the browser. The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. Even if you arent in the military yourself, try reading some of these out loud to someone you know in a particular branch and watch as their face lights up.